Boy Envy
A friend of mine asked me recently if I regretted having two girls or secretly wished that we had both girls and boys. I have certainly been asked this before, in particular around the time before we knew, or announced, that our second baby was going to be a girl as well. I don’t really know how to answer the question though. If I look at the girls and try to think of what would be different were there a boy in the mix, I struggle to find an answer.
Piper and Violet are certainly girls, well Piper is for certain and Violet is just rough and tough and mean – perhaps she is a boy in disguise. I rarely think of them as such though. Doing so would only place false limits on what they should or should not do because of their gender. We play rough, inside and outside, we climb everything, crawl in the grass, get muddy, work in the garage, they get tickled and tackled, they wrestle with me and lately each other, they assault the dog until he takes interest at which point they turn tail lest they be licked. Now granted that many of these things they might do in the likeness of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White or Belle, they do them nonetheless being girls.
Perhaps the differences at this age are too insignificant and as they get a bit older and are around more girls and boys and start seeing classic roles played out, even in grade school, their attitude and mine might change – I certainly hope that isn’t the case. I look back and think of the things my dad and I used to do when I was a kid such as work on the car, take care of the yard and house, play football, go fishing, etc…and I can only be excited for the time when I can do the same with the girls. If I try to think about those experiences to come and how they might be different were one of them a boy I draw a blank, would I bond differently with a him, would I have different expectations, would I push him harder for success, in all case I think not.
Another topic to this conversation typically revolves around carrying on the family name. I think that such is important but don’t believe that only the men can carry on the name or the traits that make up a family. In particular as times change and the line between men and women in society blurs I foresee plenty of opportunity for the girls to strengthen their family name as well as make names for themselves. Their are plenty of examples where men take the woman’s name, a hyphenation occurs, or each party in the relationship keeps their own name.
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