eternally chaotic

I am not normally a nervous person.  I speak well in front of people, rarely with a slip of the tongue or bead of sweat.  I remember ideas instead of lines to get my point across more on the fly, rolling with any punches that might get in the way, than by recalling words from memory.  I can ramble with the best of them to keep a conversation going while I figure out what point it was I was trying to make…this list can go on and on but I might start to get an ego, and regardless of how inflated my ego might get, not a one of these traits, trained or otherwise learned over the years, helped me one bit on a very special night in November of 2009.

I had planned for weeks, little bits here and little bits there, all culminating into a grand story that I wanted to tell.  A story to convey a very special feeling about a very special person in my life.  It was a rare occasion that my family was all in the same place all at the same time.  It was likely even more rare that my family and Carol’s family were all under the same roof having dinner and celebrating.  The fact that it was Thanksgiving night and we were having dinner helped.  I decided to take advantage of such and tell my story.  I was going to ask Carol to Marry me!!!

The delivery that played out in my head for the past few weeks went something like this:

“Hey everyone can I get your attention!!!  I would like to make a toast.  It is a rare event that my family is together for the holidays and that fact that I get to share them with the woman that I love, as well as her family, fills my heart with joy.  Here’s a drink for you all” …. <everyone raises their glasses, some of them imaginary, and share in a drink …. “But wait.  I have one more thing to say.  Honey, can you come over here” …. <I had imagined that we wouldn’t likely be standing next to each other during a random toast> …. “Honey there is another part of this toast.  With all of our family here I could think of no other time more appropriate to tell them just how I feel about you.” …. <at this point taking advantage of a slight pause I pull a ring box from my pocket, drop to my knee, holding the ring out before me> …. “Will you Marry me?” …. <From here each time I pictured what might take place it was never the same – I was fairly certain the answer was going to be yes, but I don’t think you can ever be one hundred percent.  My brain was unwilling to commit to one scenario so I was going to have to wing-it from here.

Now reality often differs from what one might imagine.  Not always in good or bad ways, but usually in unpredictable, didn’t plan for that, why is this happening kind of ways.  So let me tell you how it really went down:

I wondered into the kitchen, ring box concealed nicely in my pocket, and poured myself a glass of wine.  I was more nervous that I thought I would be…after all I had been planning this event in my head for a few weeks now.  Everyone was talking in different groups and there didn’t really seem to be a good place to cut in with a toast.  I tried once but my voice failed me and the second time was weak but I got everyone’s attention.  Now all eyes were my way… I had interrupted after all.  I started to get warm and a lump of something clogged my throat…I felt my eyes starting to water – not tears, but emotion welling up and looking for an escape.  It just happened to be in the form of tears.  I don’t really remember what I said but at the end we all raised our glasses in a toast and drank – some more deeply than others.  Carol and I were standing next to each other.  I pulled the ring box out of my pocket at the same time I caught her attention by saying “Carol, I have a question for you.”  Thankfully nobody had started talking again and all eyes were pointed our way.  I knelt before her with my arm in front of me, a ring presented before me.  For a brief moment Carol looked at me, our eyes met and I smiled.  I am not sure what was going through her head but I wasn’t waiting to find out.  I finished my question, “Carol, will you Marry me?”.  Tears welled up in her eyes and she grabbed me in an embrace.  We stood there for a few minutes while our family offer some congratulatory cheers.  It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Troy asked, “So what is it?  Is that a yes?” …. we all had a few laughs at this … Carol hadn’t answered – well at least not with words, but she confirmed for those that needed them – “YES.  It’s a YES”.

Even though my delivery didn’t go as planned, it all worked out in the end.  I got the girl…Carol and I took the next big step in our relationship.  Within five minutes of proposing Grandpa asked Carol when the wedding was going to be, with not so subtle hints that the end of March (his birthday) would “be a fine time” – sheesh gramps give her a minute – she only just found out she was getting married, at some point in the future, unlikely in March, three hundred second in the past – (well at least thats the thought that went through my head).  Just after that she was asked if she knew what the colors were going to be….hehe….I had to wonder off at this point.  I was shaking and somewhere there was more wine that needed a glass to fill.

After things settled down a bit we got the chance to talk to the kids about what just happened and what they thought about it.  Jacob was happy and understood that one day down the road I would be his step dad.  We had talked about that many times in the past and the idea appealed to him even then.  Now he offered some shy smiles and grins and played coy while we gave him hugs.  Isaac, true to his spirit, wanted to know when and if he had to change his last name.  Later the next day he was anxious about this again but from a different angle.  He wanted to know that should he have to eventually change his last name to be mine, would Uno (our dog) have to change his last name to be his (Isaac’s).  Piper remained quite about the topic until I went to put her to bed.  As I was tucking her in she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she was going to dress as a princess for our wedding.  Now she brought this up, not me, but I was curious.  I told her of course she could be a princess when the day comes.  With a seriousness in her voice she proceeded to list off the things that she would need to be appropriately dressed.  Apparently a princess at a wedding needs a special crown on their head, a “beautiful dress”, and princess shoes.  Violet is still pretty young and certainly doesn’t understand the finer points of what was going on.  True to her additional X chromosome she stated only “Mommy Carol, Can i wear your princess ring?”.

We are both excited for the times to come.  Even though we are close and already think of ourselves as a Family, we still look forward to the permanence that our marriage will bring.

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